


the choice is mine

by lostin_space



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Outing, communication and fluff, mentions of literally all canon mayhem, mentions of queer bashing, michael gets his agency back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:40:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22997068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostin_space/pseuds/lostin_space
Summary: “Can I vent to you? I-I need to talk or I might explode, and you’re the only one I trust not to use whatever I say against me. Also, you’re honest and maybe I’m overreacting. I know I have a tendency to be dramatic, so I need you to tell me if that’s what’s happening or if I’m actually justified in my anger.”
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 20
Kudos: 148





	the choice is mine

**Author's Note:**

> the first half of this was written in august according to my notebook that i wrote it in 
> 
> also those tags are wack and i have no regrets

“Can I vent to you? I-I need to talk or I might explode, and you’re the only one I trust not to use whatever I say against me. Also, you’re honest and maybe I’m overreacting. I know I have a tendency to be dramatic, so I need you to tell me if that’s what’s happening or if I’m actually justified in my anger.”

Alex stood there in confusion as the man he hadn’t seen or spoken to in a year barged into his cabin. Michael had vanished soon after Max had unceremoniously healed him, something Alex couldn’t fault him for. He still was pissed at Max for it, he assumed Michael was as well. That, on top of all the other bullshit, had prompted him to leave without saying goodbye and without keeping in contact.

Well, Alex occasionally got vague postcards that only read ‘I’m alive, love MG’ on them along with even more scarce phone calls from random numbers. Michael would simply say, ‘just sit with me for a while’ and Alex had complied effortlessly. He kept those things to himself.

Yet here Michael was, looking weirdly good. His clothes were nice and seemed to be ironed, not a hole in sight. He smelled like the expensive cologne the higher-ups wore to award ceremonies. Most notably, his hair was long with months of not having Isobel to trim it, but it was well kempt and oddly suited him.

“Uh, long time no see,” Alex said, watching the man pacing around the living room, “Are you gonna say hi or are you just gonna wait until after you vent?” 

Michael seemed to suddenly realize his shitty etiquette, his eyes going wide as he rushed back over to Alex. he gave him a short-lived hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“I missed you, Private,” he said, flashing a sweet smile before he got all serious again, “Can I vent? I swear I’ll make it up to you.”

Alex gestured to his designed pacing area. “By all means.”

Michael kindly waited until he sat down before jumping into what was bothering him.

“When I was a kid, no one wanted me, but they wanted Isobel and Max, so I was left to basically fend for myself. And I was only in that situation because some stupid government organization took my mother. Then they killed her. I’m allowed to be angry about that, right?” he asked. Alexx watched him with wary eyes, his heart aching at the part his family had played in that. However, Michael hadn’t given much excess emotion towards it, so Alex didn’t either.

“Of course you are,” Alex clarified. Michael nodded.

“And Iz and Max‒they happily let me play murderer for 10 years without a care and basically gave me no choice but to not go to college. They watched me ruin my life and-and they thought it was whatever because it’s just Michael. I was spiraling and they knew it and they let me. It’s also my fault, but… I help them when they fuck up. I’m allowed to be angry about that too, right?” he went on, turning sharply on his toes in a way that would’ve been comical if it weren’t for the subject matter.

“Yes, absolutely.”

“And, and I am bisexual!” Michael shouted, throwing his arms out as he faced Alex for a moment. Alex would’ve smiled, but it was clearly building towards a negative. “But I’ve never got to actually come out to anyone on my own terms except you. Max and Iz found out, god knows how. You basically out me to Maria and Kyle. Maria outed me to Liz. I never got to choose how I told the people that mattered.” Alex sunk into the couch. He felt sick. “I-I told myself that I didn’t care, that it wasn’t that big a deal. I mean, I’m not ashamed, I like that part of me, so I shouldn’t mind. But I do because it was mine to share and, and I… I’m allowed to be angry about that, right?”

Alex’s eyebrows were pulled together in concern. He hadn’t even thought about that. He should’ve thought about that.

“Yes, Michael, God, I’m so sor‒”

“And my hand!” Michael cut him off, thrusting his left hand forward. It was the first time Alex had actually seen it since it’d been healed. He chose to ignore the scattered, newer scars that replaced the old ones. That was a different conversation. “I had no say when it got fuck  _ or  _ when it got healed! That I  _ know  _ I can be angry about.”

“Absolutely.”

“Every goddamn thing that happened to me in my entire life, I never had a choice. I was forced one way or the other and I wasn’t allowed a say. Or, if I was, it didn’t really matter. And then the very, very few times it  _ did  _ matter, I fucked it up because I wasn’t allowed to make choices before and so I didn’t know how, but you,” Michael paused, stopping his pacing to look Alex in the eye. He was smiling so softly and his eyes were so bright and Alex felt like he had whiplash. “You are the one thing I chose for myself that was good.”

Alex’s swallowed and tried not to let him get his hopes out. Michael had been gone for months. Things were different now, he wasn’t going to just pop up and love him. Right?

Michael came near him anyway, kneeling on the floor in front of him. He had so much love on his face and in his aura and Alex was overwhelmed. But, for the first time in a long time, he felt overwhelmed in a good way. Whatever Michael was thinking, he wasn’t confused about it. He knew what he wanted and he was sure about it.

When had that ever happened before?

“The last few months I’ve been in Missouri. Well, technically, I went to a few different places before I went there, but that’s where I ended up. I was looking for work and I found this farm and, Alex, you’re gonna love it,” he said. Alex’s heart jumped into his throat. Not  _ you would,  _ but  _ you’re gonna.  _ “This couple owns it, they’re in their 50s, and it’s been in the family for years, but they needed some extra help now that their daughter is going to college and so they offered me a job and a place to live on the property. I eat dinner with them and I help their son with math homework and we talk about, like,  _ life  _ and, Alex, I have never felt so normal. They treat me like I’m one of their own.”

“I’m so happy for you,” Alex said.

“I’ve told them about you,” Michael admitted, “And us. They know I’m bi and they don’t mind. They said they were happy I felt comfortable enough to tell them about it. Hell, they were the ones who pushed me to come see you again.”

“That’s amazing.”

Michael reached for Alex’s hand and held it in his own, bringing it to his lips. Alex held his breath. This was just so much.

“Listen, Alex, I know it’s taken me a while‒too long, honestly‒but I think I finally know what it means to be a man. It means being honest and dedicated and loyal. It means making choices and sacrifices, even when they’re hard. It means communicating and loving with your whole being. And I want to prove it to you if you’ll let me.”

Alex exhaled sharply. “What?” Michael just smiled.

“I want to be with you for real this time. I’m willing and ready to put the work into it. Like I said, you were the only choice that I made that was good and I want to show you that. I put you through hell, we put  _ each other _ through hell. Not anymore, okay? I’m gonna treat you like you deserve to be treated. If you want that too, obviously,” Michael said. 

“I want that,” Alex said without thought. Michael grinned wider and pressed a kiss into Alex’s palm. “But we… How? Are you staying here? Are-are you going back? Do we meet in the middle?”

“Well,” Michael sighed, “I agreed to work for them for a year at least. I have two and a half months of that left. I was  _ hoping  _ you could come up with me. Either stay the whole time or just to visit so we can work on this. If you like it, maybe we can get a place up there and I can keep working for them. Or maybe somewhere else. Anything that works for you works for me. I just want to be with you and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it happen.”

Alex took in slow breaths, trying to steady his mind and stop feeling so fucking lightheaded. This was a lot. This was…

“You don’t have to make a decision right now. I’m here for two days and, honestly, if you still haven’t decided, that’s okay. I just want you to be happy,” Michael insisted. Alex looked at him incredulously.

“Who  _ are _ you?” he asked, huffing a laugh. Suddenly, he looked a lot more like Michael as that cocky grin spread across his lips and he pushed himself closer into Alex’s space where he was more than welcome. Alex grabbed his face and closed the same between them.

Alex was used to having long spans of time between their kisses. Months, years, whatever, but this felt different. This felt like they actually had plans for something more. This didn’t feel like a hello and a goodbye wrapped in one. This didn’t feel like desperation.

This felt like their first kiss. They had all the time in the world.

“Hi,” Michael breathed in between the kiss. Alex smiled and brushed his nose against Michael’s.

“Hi.”

“I missed you so much.”

“I missed you more.”

The smile on Michael’s face was almost too much to bear. They could do this. They could be normal.

“Okay, hear me out,” Alex said, moving his hands to Michael’s hips to pull him onto the couch with him. He followed with ease. “I still have a job here so I can’t leave, but I’ll visit you up there. We’ll work on us and maybe I’ll move or maybe we’ll compromise or something,  _ but, _ ” He pressed the pad of his thumb onto Michael’s lip. “You have to talk to me every day. Texting, calling, E-mails, something. Daily communication. That’s my rule.”

Michael scoffed, eyes crossed to try to see Alex’s thumb. “The rule is more Alex? I feel like the luckiest man in the world.”

Alex smiled and pushed his hand into his hair, scooting closer. He got a good look at Michael’s face. He looked younger, happier. It was a beautiful thing to see.

“I want to get to know this man you seem to be now,” Alex said softly.

“I wanna show him to you.”

Alex took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Their foreheads met in the middle. That year that had passed seemed to mean nothing as they fit right back in with each other. Michael was home. How’d he spend so much time away from home?

“I love you too, so much. I’m sorry it took me so long,” Michael whispered right back, his forehead leaning to rest against Alex’s. They stared at each other for a moment. It felt casual, normal. 

“Also I’m sorry that everyone made choices for you and that I played a part in that. I didn’t mean to out you ever, that wasn’t my intention,” Alex gushed. Michael shook his head.

“It’s fine, I just needed to get that off my chest.”

“I get it.”

Alex fiddled with the fabric of his shirt, eager to feel his skin. Now that it was apparent they were going to do this for real, all he wanted to do was celebrate. He tilted his head to go in for a kiss and he got an enthusiastic one in return.

“Wait!” Alex said, pulling away as much as he didn’t want to, “Do Isobel and Max know you’re back? Have you spoken to them since you left?”

“No, I came straight for you,” Michael admitted. Alex bit his bottom lip. 

“You should tell them you’re here.”

Michael shook his head, pulling Alex into him completely. 

“I will tomorrow. I just want you tonight.”

Alex wasn’t going to argue that. Even if he did have a whole lifetime of this in his future.

**Author's Note:**

> also on my tumblr: spaceskam


End file.
